Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Warning: Very personal post.

   My daughter has been going to school for sometime with this boy. He's a terrific kid from a terrific family. Well, back in April I found out his mother had a rare for of cirrhosis of the liver. (It's not the kind associated with alcoholism or drinking.) After talking with her for sometime that day back in April, she told me she was recently put on the waiting list for a liver. Well, if you know anything about livers... You can donate a portion of your liver and it will grow back within 4-6 weeks. I did my research about becoming a living donor because I wanted to help her and her family out.. Why you ask, would I want to do that? Well, for a number of reasons. Yes, it's a major surgery for both the donor and the recipient.  I wanted to do it because I wanted to save her life for her son, who is best friends with my daughter. Through my daughter I felt I knew this boy... I knew his strengths and his weaknesses...I knew what made him laugh and made him cry. I learned all of this through my daughter. He does not realize I feel this way, but I do. Isn't it amazing how you can feel so close to someone that you really do not have a relationship with?

   Anyways, I signed up for testing and got everything all squared away. I received a phone from them telling me, they did not believe I had enough support within the home for my recovery, which was untrue. How they got this information was through my social worker I was seeing while attending the university. He made this assumption without consulting me as well. He told me later, they had misconstrued his meaning.  Now that they have removed me from the living donor list, my next move was through my family doctor.  My family doctor, I have known since I was 13 years old. He believed that my supports at home were fine. He also did tests to assure my liver was functioning properly and there were no concerns. He wrote me a letter of recommendation to be her living donor. They waited so long to make their decisions that during this time, I ended up losing my medical insurance and because of losing my medical insurance they once again denied me as a living donor.
    Well, the reason for writing this is to say that today around Noon EST. she passed away. I have been sobbing for hours. I have finally just got my sense back, I was so distraught. I was in utter and complete shock. I just cannot even begin to explain how heart retching this was for me. I understand that she is definitely in a better place. I understand it was her time to go. I understand this could be God's work. I do understand all this. But, what I do not understand is why is it so damn difficult to try to be a living donor and save a person's life. It's my body... My choice.... it's what I wanted to do... there was no medical reason I could not donate part of my liver to her. They took that right away from me... and didn't include me in decisions regarding myself. This makes me angry, makes my heart break... What if my donation could have saved her life?!

   I know this sounds like a very selfish post, but it is very unselfish because I wanted nothing more than for this  boy to have his mother. In May, he graduated from high school with my daughter. In August, he left for the  university in another city. He has just so much going for him! Just thinking about it right now, my eyes are welling up.
     After cooling down a bit at the medical center, I sat down and wrote him a letter..And, this is what it said:

    " I felt I needed to say a few things to you.. and send you a big hug. Kayla and I will always be here for you, if you are ever in need. I did not know you or your family very well, but I can assure you I thought the world of you and them. If you ever, ever, ever need anything, please do not hesitate to call us. We will be here for you. I know you have a lot of support right now, Kayla has told me. But, that support will not always been there. That is why I am expressing this to you now. Do not be shy if you need anything we will do everything we can to help you. Kayla told me she gave you my number, but I am going to give it to you again XXXXXXXXXX. Please keep it close. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I loved your mom to death and would have given her the world if I was not denied the opportunity. She and I had much in common including both you kids. "

    I do hope he keeps my number. I hope he uses it one day too. Maybe the second time around, I will be able to help him.

Thank you for listening...


Anonymous said...

Oh my heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry. I agree with you, why is it so hard to just help someone? My prayers and thoughts are with you and this woman's son and family. Blessings to you.

Snoodles said...

You have a beautiful heart. You did the best you could, to try and help. Blessings to you, and peace as you work through this. Your daughter, her friend, and all who know you are grateful to have you as a friend, I am sure. Take care.

Barb said...

I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sadden by your post, my heart just goes out to you. I don't understand, here you were willing and she was dying...I don't get it?

So very sorry....Here is a big hug...feel my arms?

Kristen said...

oh my goodness! I am so sorry for every single person affected by this story! My heart aches for you as your heart aches for him. What a beautiful thing to do on your part...trying...so many of us should reach out and try a lot more often.